Do Not Be Lured by the Temptress

“See how the dragon angrily bites the snake in frustration of being lured by the Temptress”

Alright having been watching Amayirot Akago’s let’s play of Space Quest (A lot) I was somewhat motivated to go play an adventure game.

Because why not? With all the ‘skillz’ I have obtained and needed to use in many adventure and action games, it’s nice to once in a while use my squishy parts(No I’m not talking about my junk, I’m talking about my upper management; THE BRAIN!) because I did enjoy point’n’clicks games, granted the ones I played weren’t amazing like Spy Fox: Operation Ozone, Freddie Fish, Pajama Sam, and online point’n’clicks. I mean the satisfaction you get from those games like ‘Ha I didn’t need to use a guide’ or ‘That story was very fun to go through’

I bring it up because on GOG (and you can try this game for free if you dare to test yourself and your sanity) they have a couple of free games that you can download which is a nice of them, and some of them are pretty good like Fallout(Which is no longer available thanks Bethesda!), and questionable but not denied; Beneath a Steel Sky(all the fanboys are crying about this I know and especially gaybriel who can just go suck it). Which surprising is related to the game I’m talking about because it’s made by the same people. (I know I only listed two games but they’re the only ones I’ve played or beaten)

Where do I begin?

Well for one it was free, two it was only 23 mb which means it must have been a short game, and three it’s made by the same people who made beneath a steel sky(Which despite my disgust with it’s fanboys and having to use a guide for unfair moments, I did enjoy the narrative at least and it was engaging).

What could possibly go wrong you ask? Everything…

Well generally everything is wrong, as the small consolation of ‘Lure by the Temptress’ is that it is free and thankfully a short ‘game’. I was told by A Market Maze Turn(aka Akago) that the reason it’s free and I quote;

but apparently the only reason it’s free is because they weren’t able to trick people into paying money for it”

I have to give some credit to gog(But at the same time damn them for trying to trick you into buying it before), because if I had bought this piece of shit I’d fucking throw my pc out the door(But of course I won’t do that).

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“Almost forgetting not to punch my monitor”

Ok let’s actually talk about the game here, the story is something I forgot having lost my brain cells playing the game so I’m going to steal borrow Akago’s post(And pictures) from his 100 game oath blog(I keep mention this guy we should do a collab or something).

“You’re a knight trying to stop the evil enchantress Selena and her orc-like Skorls from taking over the world, yadda yadda.”

  Oh yeah something like that and I’m not bothered enough to check it, but you have to stop the Temptress and her evilness(So what part of this game am I lured by the Temptress? Oh right the fact that it was free[and a piece of shit]).

Let me get this out of the way, the game looks pretty good. Not good enough to be a saving grace but at least it is nicely drawn and I do get a hint of BASS(Beneath a blah blah blah).

“I’d hang this on my wall if I didn’t have to hang the game for it”

The music reminds me of the music from jurassic park 3 island attack on GBA(I made an LP that you can check on that) and you can bet jur-ass it stinks. You either get lame ass music or dead silence which really really pulls your soul into hell for torture as you sit there trying to figure out how to beat the stupid game(It makes me feel like dying like when I was playing Pathologic-OH GAWD!).

Let’s see graphics, music, yeah we’re onto gameplay.

The gameplay is a point’n’click adventure format(duh!) and what makes the gameplay good is its puzzles, which this game has none once you escape from the prison. I tried really hard to not look at a guide, because that is giving into the fact you’re too stupid to figure out things and needing help, but don’t be ashamed about looking up a guide on this game because it’ll save you hours of time finding out who you’re suppose to look for.

“This is what the development team is like at the time; All over the place”

The puzzles are just almost non-existent and the game isn’t very deep(But is sure is deep in sewage); you look for items, then look for the person you’re suppose to give them too, and poof! Progress and repeat…Wait those aren’t puzzles those are SPRIGGAN ERRANDS! (I think it’s a pretty good note right here to say there aren’t many death scenes to amuse you so failing is also almost non-existent too)

“It’s like a punch in the face! LOL!”

My goodness there are no clever or intuitive puzzles at all, reading the guide had me pretty disgusted at how much thought went into this game. Oh by the way there’s a small combat system in the game which isn’t difficult to play but there’s only two moments of it that it’s so pointless to have it in the game and what am I doing in an adventure game where I wanted to use my wits?

Well there is this one mechanic that could work if well programmed(I’ll get to that later soon) and that is having companions that you can tell to do things for you in the sense of having them help you solve puzzles. Okay neat I don’t remember a whole lot of point’n’clicks doing that I mean getting your companions to help does add a new dimension of thinking, but when it doesn’t work that well it’s aggravating! Why? The problem is the pathfinding(For those who don’t know it’s what lets your character find the shortest path to their destination that you pointed out to them) and it will drive you mad as your character seems to have brain damage(Like the creators at the time but I’ll forgive them given future the future games they made) as they try to get to the location you tell them to get to, only to have a seizure walking in the wrong direction or going all about the screen. Worst part is this isn’t limited to you. While the NPCs walking around don’t quite from suffer this(at all), your companion does which is fudging annoying since obviously you have no control over them and you NEED them to solve most of the puzzles for you(Cause your guy got weak from playing with his butthole all day and can’t do most of the things properly) making “puzzle” solving longer than it should be.

“This is also where he was playing with his 455hole a lot”

Let’s see puzzles are a chore to do, the pathfinding is horrible(you’d think it would at least be functional), and the NPCs…Right…There is an annoying thing with the NPCs where they can freely move around to make the game more lively(or deadly as I found out later) which is okay but as I keep playing this piece of crap I wish they just stood still so I can find them easily for a few reasons;

 1. You need to find them to give items to them. It’s not the most annoying thing in the game and not all the NPCs do it like the ones who stay in the stores, but they run all over the village of Turnvale(Oh yeah that’s the name of it…I think) and interaction just goes horribly wrong in this game.

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“How I feel when playing this game”

 2. You’re in my way sir! Oh my god if I can murder you NPCs I’d do it. You can bump into people and then your character or companion has to navigate around them and thanks to the shitty pathfinding this is such a trainwreck to behold. NPCs get in your way and just mess up whatever you were planning to do and sometimes three of them pop up in one screen trying to get out of each others way.

 3. May I have your attention please! Only one person can talk on the screen. Aside from the NPCs being able to move around freely they can also freely talk which shouldn’t get in the way BUT IT DOES! If you’re trying to talk to someone you need to talk to or giving commands to your companion, but someone else in the same screen is talking well screw you! They spoke first and you better sit your ass down till they’re done talking. You can’t skip the dialogue if it’s not in your conversation tree which makes this exasperating because it gets in the way and it pads out this stupid game further. Makes me wish there was a ‘shut the fuck up’ command, well grab a drink(preferably coffee to stay the hell awake if you’re fat) and wait for them to finish vomiting text.

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“Or get within the screen you piece of shit”

4. Stuck! Well not really but just hang on. If you try to talk to a NPC that JUST got on screen like they’re on the edge of the screen, you can’t talk to them they have to be in the middle of the screen, but oh your character will try to walk up to them and talk but he just goes into a seizure, and if the NPC gets a question mark on their head that’s indicating you took too long to talk to them. Oh speaking of question marks if you don’t reach your destination on screen to talk or interact in time your character forgets and gives up(Kind of like how I forget what I was going to do seconds later if I don’t do it now huh how ironic) it’s just maddening to see this on screen.

Let’s see puzzles suck check, pathfinding sucks check, npcs suck check, I think that’s all of the bad points I recall because I’m already forgetting about this game(Which is good) oh yeah characters are forgettable and the ending blows rocks. Thank fudging goodness it’s short because if it went on, this would just be me pulling out my intestines. Bottom line: THIS GAME SUCKS! DO NOT BE LURED BY THE TEMPTRESS!(Or by the free price)

But thankfully the makers made better games later on so lets just view this as what not to do. I mean personal nightmare sucked but Waxworks is awesome(Even though I need a guide to help once again).

I was talking to akago about maybe reviewing this as our collab but who knows, oh yeah check out his 100 games oath as he plays games tells you what he thinks.

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